A Love in Reverse
by S. Schumaker
Summary: RESUMED, FINALLY! Chap. 8 is complete. Enjoy! A night of drunken passion brings the two teens together. But Hermione doesn't remember it, and Harry is feeling guilty...Is the friendship doomed?
1. Prologue: Loosening Up

**Due to policies, the majority of this story will be removed. is cracking down on the current ratings of stories on this site, and due to the sexual/explicit nature of a few of these chapters, they will be forever moved to a new location. The following chapters will be deleted tonight and moved: Chp. 2, and Chp. 4. To find these chapters in their entirety, please see S. Schumaker's livejournal account and click on the "alir" tag at the bottom of her first post. Until I can find a decent web hosting site, I will be uploading any and all MA rated fics or chapters to this livejournal account. URL for the journal is here: ****I apologize for any inconvience this causes you, but I'd rather you go off site to read these chapters then have moderators block my account. The remaining chapters will stay uploaded to . Please continue to review on this site or leave me comments on the livejournal page. I still love to hear from my readers and hope you will continue to love and enjoy this story. Thank you.**

* * *

"**A Love in Reverse"**  
**by: S. Schumaker**

_Standard Disclaimers Apply_

Rated MA: for sexual themes, content, and adult language. Please don't read this if you are under 17 years old.

_(AN: Alright people! I'm still working on Pleasures I Have Known, so don't worry about that, but I wanted to try something a little...dirtier. Anyway, there are serious sexual scenes below, if you don't like reading these or take offense to any of the material that may be found below, please don't read this and check out my other, tamer works. This is another H/Hr romance...hope you like! And as usual, comments, flames, criticisms, all welcome and appreciated. I hope you enjoy!)_

* * *

**Prologue - Loosening Up**

The three of them sat in the best chairs surrounding the fireplace in the empty Gryffindor common room. It was another holiday vacation and the majority of the students had gone home for Christmas and New Years, leaving the best of everything open to the three best friends that stayed behind. Harry, Ron, and Hermione warmed themselves by the raging fire, chatting away about nothing in particular when suddenly Fred, George, Angelina, Lee, and Katie Belle, all of whom had also stayed behind, came jumping in through the large portrait hole. They seemed to be carrying something large and were all surrounding it, blocking it from the view of the three curious students near the fire.

"Whatcha got there, Fred?" Ron called over to him, straining his neck to see.

"Nothing!" The five of them all shouted out at once, dropping around the object to conceal it from view. Hermione immediately stood up, absolutely certain that what they had would be against the rules and needing to know what it was.

"Locomotor gryffindors." She cast, pointing her wand toward the five students moving them away from the concealed object. She gently set them down and turned toward what they were hiding.

"That's not fair, Hermione!" Fred called.

"Yeah!" George replied.

"Don't look!" Lee said, trying to run back. It was too late, however, Harry, Ron, and Hermione all turned toward the object. A beer keg.

"What in the world is that doing here?" Hermione screeched out, pointing toward the keg.

"A keg? Sweet!" Harry and Ron echoed, running up to it. Hermione just put her hands on her hips and looked at them as if they were aliens.

"Get rid of that thing now, or I will!" She threatened, pointing her wand at it. Fred and George leaped in front of it, blocking the keg from her completely.

"Now Hermione, there's no need for that." George said, giving her a small smile.

"We're on holiday, Hermione. It's time you cut loose and have a little fun." Fred added.

"Where did you guys find this?" Ron asked, running a finger over the top of the keg in awe.

"Took it from the kitchens. Must be for the professors or something." Lee Jordan grinned, flopping down on one of the sofas, Angelina and Katie soon following suit.

"Well, you've got to take it back this instant. If they find out it's gone, they'll be searching the castle for it, for certain!" Hermione said, making her way to open the portrait hole door for them.

"Nope." Fred and George said together. "There was a ton of them there, a big storage room full of them." They laughed, moving the keg to a corner of the common room, positioning the tap on it getting it ready to drink.

"Oh yeah, the cups." Angelina jumped up and grabbed a large stack of red plastic cups, placing them on a table near the keg. Once Fred and George had gotten the keg all set up and whatnot they pumped up the tap, grabbed a cup and filled it to the rim with foamy beer.

Fred took a long sip, sighing afterwards. George then grabbed it from him and gulped the remainder down. "Nice." They said together before filling up another cup for each of them and taking a seat near the fire. Angelina, Lee, and Katie soon jumped up to get some beer for themselves as well. Hermione just looked on in disappointment.

Harry walked up to her, just as Ron hopped in line. "Don't worry, Hermione. We won't get in trouble. A bunch of the professors left for the holidays too. Besides, they never check the common rooms after eight." He glanced over at a clock on a bookshelf. The time read 8:05pm. "C'mon, it'll be fun!" He smiled at her, and pulled her reluctantly over to the keg. Hermione sighed, she was a little paranoid at times, and she really did need to learn to lighten up. At that, she decided to stop worrying about it and just try to have a good time. Partying while at Hogwarts might just prove to be an interesting experience.

To be continued...

* * *

_(AN: This is a just a little preview of what's to come! Please R/R! Thanks!)_


	2. Chapter 1: Whoops

**Due to policies, the majority of this story will be removed. This site is cracking down on the current ratings of stories on this site, and due to the sexual/explicit nature of a few of these chapters, they will be forever moved to a new location. The following chapters will be deleted tonight and moved: Chp. 1, and Chp. 4. To find these chapters in their entirety, please see S. Schumaker's livejournal account and click on the "alir" tag at the bottom of her first post. Until I can find a decent web hosting site, I will be uploading any and all MA rated fics or chapters to this livejournal account. **_URL for the journal is in my profile._** I apologize for any inconvience this causes you, but I'd rather you go off site to read these chapters then have moderators block my account. The remaining chapters will stay uploaded here. Please continue to review on this site or leave me comments on the livejournal page. I still love to hear from my readers and hope you will continue to love and enjoy this story. Thank you.**


	3. Chapter 2: Unsolved Mysteries

"**A Love in Reverse"**

**by: S. Schumaker**

Rated MA: for sexual themes, content, and adult language. Please don't read this if you are under 17 years old.

_(AN: Yippee! It's time for the next chapter . . . and it's the morning after! I'm excited for this one . . . and no, this is NOT going to be another pregnancy story . . . that's been done way too many times. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Sorry it took more than two months for me to finish this chapter. Also, check out my other stories for updates too! Review it please! Thanks and enjoy the chapter!)_

* * *

**Chapter Two - Unsolved Mysteries**

She was running, faster and faster, through the many hallways of Hogwarts Castle. She was being chased by someone, and she would die if they caught up with her. No, she had to keep running away. She glanced behind her briefly, nearly losing her footing over a loose stone in the flooring. Her brown hair whipped around her as she quickened her pace, turning out into the Great Hall and racing toward the front door. She prayed she could lose him out in the grounds and ran as fast as she could toward them.

She wasn't quite sure why she was running away, but she wasn't quite sure what would happen if she stopped. As Hermione reached the grounds outside, she was blinded by the morning's fresh light. She stopped in her tracks, covering her eyes with her left arm. Suddenly, someone grabbed at her from behind and pulled her back inside the castle. The large doors slammed shut with a loud bang in front of her, her escape gone. Just as she was about to turn toward her captor, she dropped her arm and opened her eyes wide.

She sprang straight up, her breathing quickened. She looked around at her surroundings. She was in bed, in her dormitory. No one had been chasing her. She hadn't been running away from something. She placed a hand over her heart, hoping to slow down its racing beats. It had only been a dream. Just then, she realized she wasn't wearing a shirt. She lifted up the blankets and looked underneath them, finding herself completely nude. She wasn't wearing her pajamas. She flushed with embarrassment and wrapped the blankets tightly around her.

She looked around the dormitory, but nobody else was in there with her. She suddenly remembered everyone was away for the holidays, and there was no need to be embarrassed. She shook her head, and swung her legs over the side of the bed, standing up. Suddenly she felt an intense pain between her legs. She felt stiff and sore. She ran a hand over her stomach, everything hurt and felt tense. She slowly walked over to her dresser and got dressed for the day, trying to figure out what had happened to her.

After she was fully clothed in a simple sweater and jeans she sat back on her trunk, trying to figure out why her head felt like someone was pounding it with a jackhammer, why her stomach felt like it was doing flips, and why she had this intense pain between her legs. She remembered sitting in the common room talking with Harry and Ron. They were discussing silly things like wizards' chess, Professor Trelawney's hair, and various other topics. That's when Hermione remembered Fred, George, Lee, Angelina, and Katie walked in with that keg of beer. She drank alcohol last night!

She jumped up in shock at her own actions, placing a hand over her mouth. She got drunk last night, really drunk! She remembered playing that cup game and talking and laughing with everyone, but after that she couldn't remember a single thing. She pressed her fingers against her temples, trying to remember anything after that. Wondering how she got up to her dormitory and why she awoke naked.

Then, Hermione got an idea, an idea that scared the living daylights out of her. What if she came up here with someone last night and they had sex? Who the heck would that have been? She shook her head of the thoughts. There was no way that she would have ever done that. She was much too responsible to do something as idiotic as that. She stood up and walked over to her bedside table to grab a few books she needed to return to the library. She'd go to her sanctuary and try to put last night out of her memory.

She bent down to grab the two large books, _Magic for the Modern Witch _and _1,001 Interesting Facts About Transfiguring_. She reached inside the drawer for them as her eye caught on something underneath her bed. She dropped down to her knees and reached underneath the four poster bed and grasped onto something. She pulled it out from under the bed and nearly fell backwards in shock. Dropping the item almost instantly after grabbing it. An unopened condom lay before her on the floor of the dorm. She sat away from it, staring at it with an intense gaze. Any questions she had about the previous night were answered in a flash. She was sore because she had lost her virginity to someone last night, they didn't use the condom on the floor in front of her, and she didn't have a single memory of any of it.

As Hermione sat on the floor of her room, trying to put the pieces of the previous night together, Harry sat before the frozen lake trying to erase those very same memories. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Hermione underneath him, moaning out his name in ecstasy. He remembered the way her skin tasted against his tongue, the feel of her breasts beneath his palms, the warmth he felt inside her depths. He shook his head violently, and stood up quickly. 'Stop it!' He silently screamed at himself. He needed to think rationally about this. How would this affect their friendship? What if she was in love with him? What if he was in love with her? Was he?

He shook himself free of the snow that had fallen on him and began to walk along the edge of the lake. Harry's mind was overworked, a whirlwind of emotions flying through him. The only thing that he was completely certain of, he didn't want to have to face Hermione any time soon. He continued along the lake until his feet were numb and his nose was runny. Turning toward the castle, his stomach did a flip flop. His eyes scanned the upper towers of the castle until he spotted the Gryffindor tower. He stopped and stared up at it, wondering what his friends were doing right then, wondering what Hermione was doing. He dropped his head in shame, embarrassment, uncertainty and moved toward the castle.

He knew that they needed to talk about what had happened, but he really wasn't looking forward to it. He entered the castle slowly, quietly. He began to head up toward the common room, wondering what it would be like to see Hermione. His mind drifted back to last night. He remembered dancing with her, feeling her body pressed up and close to his. He remembered how his senses went into overdrive as he took in the scent of her hair, and the heat from her arms wrapped around him. He was beginning to think about the way her eyes held a passion in them, a passion for him, when he realized he was standing in front of the Fat Lady's portrait.

"Balderdash." Harry spoke out, the Fat Lady swinging open her door with a large smile upon her face. Harry cautiously stepped into the common room, seeing Ron, Fred, George, Lee, Angelina, and Katie lying around it, but no Hermione. "Hey guys." Harry spoke softly, they grunted back at him.

"What's the deal?" Ron turned toward him, anger evident on his face. Harry blanched. He knew that Ron had a secret crush on Hermione. Now, he was going to get it. He'd probably lose both of his best friends right now. How Ron found out was beyond him, but the angry look in his eye right now told Harry that he knew, somehow…

"H-Huh?" Harry choked out, taking a step back in fear. Ron could be pretty intimidating when he was angry.

"How in the world is it that you can be up and walking about when you stayed up way later than I did drinking last night? That's not fair at all. I'm over here sicker than a dog and I didn't even hear you come in last night!" Ron said, laying his head back against the couch, running his hand over his turning stomach.

Harry let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Ron didn't know. Of course he didn't know. He didn't figure Hermione to be the gossipy type and he certainly wasn't going to tell anyone. He was overreacting for nothing. Harry moved further into the room, slumping back into his favorite chair near the fireplace.

"Don't know. Just lucky I guess." Harry answered, his mind drifting back to Hermione. Silence fell over the seven teens and Harry began to wonder where Hermione was. Was she still upstairs asleep? Harry remembered how peaceful she looked this morning, how angelic her face had been. He wanted to race up there to see if he could catch another glimpse, but he didn't move.

Harry recalled that it was the last day of vacation and he still hadn't started on his Herbology report that was assigned for winter break. He decided that if he couldn't talk to Hermione, he might as well get working on his homework. Just as he was about to get up and go to his dormitory to get the assignment, he heard footsteps coming from the girl's wing. His head snapped up instantly and he watched as Hermione stepped out into the common room. Her hair flowed behind her as she walked quickly toward the portrait hole. Her face was glued to the floor and her arms surrounded a couple of textbooks. Harry watched as she practically ran to the portrait, not looking at anyone in the room.

"Mornin' Hermione!" Ron called out to her. "You better be hung over or I'm going to be so pissed!" But Hermione just kept on walking, out into the hallway in front of the Gryffindor common room. She didn't respond, she didn't even acknowledge that Ron was talking to her. She did absolutely nothing to show that she even noticed the seven people in the room with her.

Harry sighed to himself. So this was how she wanted it, huh? She was just going to ignore him. Maybe that was better though. Maybe putting it all behind them would work out better. He slowly lifted himself up and walked to the boy's wing, heading up to his dormitory.

"What's up with Hermione?" Ron called out. Harry continued walking away. "Okay, now what's up with you, Harry?" Ron belted out just as Harry walked out of sight and into his dorm, collapsing on his bed.

To Be Continued…

* * *

_(AN: Yeah, it's kind of a stupid place to stop, but ah well! Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! Thanks! REVIEW!)_


	4. Chapter 3: Truth Seeking

"**A Love in Reverse"**

**by: S. Schumaker**

Rated MA: for sexual themes, content, and adult language.

Please don't read this if you are under 17 years old.

_(AN: All right, is everyone ready for the next chapter? Well, you better be, 'cause here it is! Anyway, thank you all so much for all the wonderful reviews! I really appreciated them all! Keep 'em coming! Anyway, there were a few questions in the comments that will be answered in the next chapter so be watching out for those. Anyway, here's chapter three, review, review, review! Lots 'o love!)_

* * *

**Chapter Three – Truth Seeking**

The words, the incantations, the descriptions slowly began to blur in and out of his vision. The pictures seemed to fade further into the background as he found his mind wandering from his homework, wandering toward Hermione. He shook his head violently, nearly slamming it down to rest on the desk. He laid his cheek against the book, his eyes running over the nearby wall. Why did she just walk away from him that morning? Did she want to just pretend that it had never happened? Did she still want to be his friend?

Harry suddenly felt a sinking feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. Life without Hermione just wouldn't be life. She was one of his best friends. They had been through so much together. He had to make her see that even though they had sex, their relationship wouldn't change . . . if that's how she wanted it. If that's how she wanted it, that's how Harry wanted it. He didn't have the courage to sort out his own feelings and was simply hoping Hermione would do that part for him. He may have some courage when it came to Malfoy or Voldemort, but when it came to girls, he was a blubbering fool.

Harry stood up from the desk, tossing his homework aside. He began to pace around the room, his robes swishing around his ankles. He was restless. He was completely on edge because of one simple girl. Suddenly, a flash of a thought raced across his eyes. Maybe the reason Hermione was avoiding him was because she had never wanted last night to happen. Had he forced her in anyway? He sat down, feeling slightly light-headed. He replayed the previous night, searching for any sign that he went too far. Farther than she had ever wanted.

"Sod it all!" Harry screamed out, flicking his wand at the lamp which immediately was snuffed out. He walked to the door, and raced out of the dormitory. The door slamming shut behind him.

At the other end of the castle, the very girl of his frustrations was in the same situation. She was huddled up in a tight little corner of the library. A large pile of books sat before her, one open beneath her nose. Titles like Memory Remembering for Dummies, An Answer for Any Magical Question, and Memory Jinxes and Cures lay before the inquirer. She had been sitting in that very spot for the majority of the day, searching through book after book trying to find a spell or potion she could cast upon herself to help her remember the previous night, but to no avail. Every time she thought she found one that would work, there would be something printed in tiny letters that gravely disappointed her. Such as: "Not effective if alcohol was involved." Or "Curse must have been cast upon this person in order for cure to provide any help." Hermione's spirit was crushed. She had lost her virginity and she had no idea to whom she had given it.

She moved her hand to the waist of her robes, hovering over the pocket there. Her fingers brushed up against the soft material of her robes before sliding deep within the pocket. The tips of her fingers contacted something that lay deep down there, the condom that was lying on the floor of her dorm that morning. She grasped it in her hand, making sure to keep it in her pocket as her fingers tightened around it.

She was so flabbergasted at finding the condom on her floor that she didn't know what to do with it. If she threw it away, what would happen if one of the professors found it? Or someone from her dormitory? The rest of the students were returning to Hogwarts tomorrow, what if one of them found it? So, the only thing she could think of to do with it, was to keep it tucked away in her robes. No one would find it then, at least she hoped no one would.

She leaned back in the large chair in which she sat, closing her eyes, and nonchalantly rubbing her thumb over the condom. As she leaned back, she began to think about the males that she had been around the night before. George, Fred, Ron, Lee, and Harry. She began picturing them each in her mind, wondering who she had been with. She brought up images of each of them, examining them with her mind, hoping for any kind of indication of whom she slept with, who she had revealed everything to. Then, a flash, as if from a light bulb, went off in Hermione's mind. She popped open her eyes and stood, her mouth forming into a large grin. She brought out the lone condom in her pocket and looked down at it briefly before stuffing it back inside.

"Of course! Golly, you can be so dense sometimes, Herm." She spoke to herself, shuffling up the books into two neat piles. Just as they were all picked up, she stopped. She stopped and stood, staring down at the cover of one of the books. She knew who it had been, she knew and now had no idea what to do about it. For the first time in her life, learning a new piece of knowledge about something _didn't_ make her happy. She slumped back down in her seat, and felt a tear make its way down her cheek.

Harry raced down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room, still being occupied by the six hung-over teens. "You lot are still down here? Don't you have homework to do?" Harry questioned them, slightly startled at their behavior. He stood standing before them all, waiting for a reply. All he got was a grunt or two. "Ah, have any of you seen Hermione? I mean, since she came racing through here a while ago?"

Ron leaned up on his elbows to turn toward Harry. "No, she's probably where she always is. The library." Ron slumped back down on the couch, groaning and holding his stomach. Harry nodded to himself, and hurried out of the portrait hole, making his way toward the library.

A minute or two later and he found himself standing before the large doors of the library. He softly pushed them open, smiling at Madam Pince as she turned toward the sound of the door. He looked around the room briefly before turning toward one end of the library. He walked down a row of books, then continued walking past several others, scanning each row for Hermione.

Having no luck near the books, he set off toward the study tables in the back of the library, hoping Hermione would be discovered there. The first place he checked was their favorite study table, hidden deep behind a bookshelf and extremely secluded. No luck. He continued walking amongst the tables, searching intently.

He had no idea what he would say to her once he found her, but he needed some answers. He had to find out how she felt, how she felt about him. His hands began to perspire as he found himself coming up to the last little alcove of tables in the entire library. He felt a little sick to his stomach as he turned the corner and found her sitting with her back to him at the farthest table. He stopped in place, noticing a large pile of books before her, but not a single one was open. He squinted his eyes to read the titles, Memory Charms, Perfecting Your Memory, Forget the Unforgettable.

He stepped backwards, nearly falling down in shock. Was she trying to erase her memory? Was she going to cast a memory charm on herself to forget what had happened between them? Harry felt a sharp pain in his chest and his breathing quickened. He turned away. He had to get out of there before she saw him, before he nearly collapsed in pain. He never realized he had hurt Hermione this much, or ever could. He started to walk away quickly, but after taking two steps, he tripped and knocked into a nearby book shelf, knocking down about twenty different volumes. They came crashing to the floor. Harry began to quickly shuffle the books back up, throwing them with disarray into the shelf, just as he heard the sound of his name behind him.

"Harry?"

He slowly turned his head toward the sound of the voice. His eyes connected with hers, and they bothstopped. Neither moved, neither spoke. They were frozen in each other's gaze.

To Be Continued…

* * *

_(AN: Yeah, I know, this chapter was kind of short, but I'm already working on the next installment so the update should be soon to make up for that! Please let me know what you thought! Thanks a bundle!)_


	5. Chapter 4: The Encounter

**Due to policies, the majority of this story will be removed. This site is cracking down on the current ratings of stories on this site, and due to the sexual/explicit nature of a few of these chapters, they will be forever moved to a new location. The following chapters will be deleted tonight and moved: Chp. 1, and Chp. 4. To find these chapters in their entirety, please see S. Schumaker's livejournal account and click on the "alir" tag at the bottom of her first post. Until I can find a decent web hosting site, I will be uploading any and all MA rated fics or chapters to this livejournal account. **_URL for the journal is in my profile._** I apologize for any inconvience this causes you, but I'd rather you go off site to read these chapters then have moderators block my account. The remaining chapters will stay uploaded here. Please continue to review on this site or leave me comments on the livejournal page. I still love to hear from my readers and hope you will continue to love and enjoy this story. Thank you.**


	6. Chapter 5: Separation

"**A Love in Reverse"  
****by: S. Schumaker**

Rated MA: For sexual themes, content, and adult language.  
Please do not read this if you are under the age of 17.  
Thank you.

_(AN: I realize the update for this chapter is completely passed its due date, but I've been really struggling with how I wanted this story to continue on. I definitely knew from the start that there would be no pregnancy crap going on . . . and I meant that! So, I've had to do a little bit of thoughtful planning, plus with school and my personal life, the update took a little longer than was expected. But, at least I updated at all, right? With my track record I'm really proud of myself for keeping up with this story and all my other ones as well. Anyway, enough of my blabbing and onto chapter five. Think of it as a X-mas/Hanukkah/Holiday present! Enjoy!)_

* * *

**Chapter Five - Separation**

The small, black string dangled off the end of the material, her finger reaches for it, twirling it around. The movement pulls the string out further from the cloth, getting longer and longer with each twist. A strong pull of her finger breaks off the string; it remains dangling around her purplish fingertip. She wriggles it off, watching it fall to the floor below, her temporary distraction gone. She lifts her eyes quickly, glancing across the table at him.

His focus remains on the table top. His eyes follow the patterns of the wood, circling around the knots, straightening back out only to curl around once again. He feels her gaze weigh down on his face, but he doesn't want to look up at her, knowing he won't have anything to break this extremely uncomfortable silence. But, he can't help it. His head rises, as if being pulled by a magnet.

Their eyes lock briefly, before Hermione whips her head back down again. Her cheeks burning in humiliation. Her fingers race along the edge of her robe, searching for another loose string. Harry clears his throat across from her. She pauses in her search, waiting to see if he'll begin the discussion they need to have.

Harry leans back in his chair, scratching the back of his head gently. "Um," He mumbles out, before sighing to himself. He can't seem to get out any words. He just started and he cannot stop now. "Look, Hermione," He begins once again. Hermione looks up at him. Their eyes meet. Harry drops his gaze. He can't talk to her when she's looking at him like that. So innocently, so kindly. He stands quickly, his chair falling backward due to his haste. He begins pacing around the small alcove of the library, running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, here we go. Talking now." Harry says, his back to her, the only way to get the conversation going. "I'm really sorry." He continues, turning back in her direction, feeling slightly more confident. "I realize now that I've taken advantage of you. Twice. And, these books here," He kicks at her pile of memory books, still littering the floor. "Well, they are a pretty good indication of how you feel, and if I could, I'd change everything that's happened in the last twenty four hours so I wouldn't hurt you like I have. I mean, trying to erase your memory like that just kills me. If I knew that spell that Lockhart used I use it on you in a second. But, I don't . . . " He falls back down in his seat, feeling a wave of exhaustion from his speech. His hands rest in his lap, his fingers shaking in nervousness.

"You're sorry?" Hermione questions, standing up and moving toward him. Harry's face blanches, he should have known a simple apology wouldn't be enough. He'd have to do much better than that to gain her trust back. "Why are you saying sorry?"

Harry lifts his head up in confusion, his eyebrows scrunched as he looks up at her. "Wha?" He chokes out.

Hermione kneels down in front of him, grasping his hands in hers. Harry's entire body stiffens at her proximity. She rubs her thumb back and forth against the back of his hand, trying to hide her own shaking extremities.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I know for a fact that you didn't take advantage of me last night or today. If I didn't want to . . . do what we did, then I wouldn't have." Hermione stumbles around her words, trying to express herself to him clearly. "These books," she lifts one in the air, waving it around in circles before gently setting it back down again. "They were to help me remember what we did. Not forget it." Hermione leaned away from him slightly, feeling exposed in the truth she had just revealed.

"To help you remember? What do you mean? You forgot what we did last night?" Harry was stunned. The same night that had his entire range of emotions in a whirl was the same night that Hermione didn't have a memory from.

"It was probably because it was my first time drinking alcohol. I completely blacked out somewhere between the cup game and waking up in my bed this morning. I knew what I had done because of the soreness I felt when I woke up, and because I found this under my bed." Hermione pulled the condom out from her robes, handing in over to Harry. His face flamed up as he quickly grasped it and shoved it into his own robes, looking around to make sure no one had seen it.

"Oh my." Harry sighed, completely at a loss for words. He ran his thumb over the condom in his pocket, not even remembering having it with him. He knew it had to be his though. He remembered the awful discussion he'd had with his uncle before returning to Hogwarts that year.

"_Now listen here, boy. If you get one of those freak females knocked up at your freak of a school, than your ass is grass, got it? Take a box of these. Keep one on you at all times. We're not taking any chances with you . . . " Uncle Vernon had lectured, throwing a box labeled Trogans at Harry and stalking off._

Harry flushed at the memory. At least his uncle was trying to protect him . . . in a really twisted way anyway. "You're telling me you don't remember anything that happened between us last night? I mean, when we were alone in the common room, or . . . um, up in your dorm?" Harry asked, feeling a little light-headed.

"That's why I've been looking through all these books today. I've been looking for a spell or potion I can use to regain those moments, but I haven't been successful yet." Hermione added, moving back to her chair across the table from him. She felt a little better about the entire situation now that they had begun talking about it. However, even that little flicker of relief she gained from the conversation wasn't enough to relax her quivering hands.

"I just can't believe you don't know what happened last night, what we shared. It's a little disheartening." Harry replied, losing himself in his own thoughts. He remembered the way her lips felt against his neck, his chest. How her fingers ran around his neck and down his back. His body shivered at the memory, the memory that Hermione didn't have.

He shook his head slightly, trying to focus himself back in the present time. He began to think about his feelings for the woman sitting across from him. He had been so worried about hurting her and using her the last few hours that he hadn't even had much time to think about his feelings, his true feelings. He noticed Hermione's gaze on him and swallowed a lump of nerves that snuck up in his throat.

"Well, don't get too upset. I'm going to keep looking for a solution to my memory failure. But, I just . . . well . . . I think I need some time away from you, Harry. I need some time to think, about what happened and how it'll affect us. I just really need to be alone for a while. Is that okay with you?" Hermione asked, gathering up her books and standing up beside the table.

Harry felt a little hurt at her request, but it would do them both good. He shook his head, agreeing to stay away from her. At that moment he didn't know how difficult that was going to be for him . . .

To be continued . . .

* * *

_(AN: All right, I know this chapter wasn't real "dirty" for all of us sicko's out there . . . but just be patient. The next chapter will be more about Ron and how he's reacting to what he saw . . . I've got it all planned out . . . all I need to get me to write it . . . Reviews._

_LISTEN UP!_

_I want more reviews on this story and I want them now. I'm sorry to say that I'm getting a little hurt by the lack of support I've been receiving lately. Anyway, if I can't get **65 total reviews**_ _for this story . . . don't expect a sixth chapter. Please review . . . I really want to keep writing! Much love!)_


	7. Chapter 6: The Rage

"**A Love in Reverse"  
by: S. Schumaker**

Rated MA: For sexual themes, content, and adult language.  
Please do not read this if you are under the age of 17.  
Thank you.

_(AN: Wow! I cannot believe how quickly those 65 reviews came in! I was expecting it to be a lot longer than that. Anyway, I apologize for setting that quota…I just needed to be sure people were still interested in this story. I'm glad so many of you are! Well, sooner than I had expected to be writing/releasing this chapter, but here it is! I really wanted to get it out to you all quickly because, well, you just plain deserve it after the many reviews I received in only 24 hours of publishing the last chapter. And, I promise, I won't charge for updates any longer, but reviews will keep me writing faster…hint hint! Enjoy chapter six! It's time for Ron's emotions to surface and explode on the two teens!)_

* * *

**Chapter Six – The Rage**

He watched as she swiftly turned away from him and began walking out of the study area they had been occupying for the last hour. His mind replaying the idea of not being able to be around her for a few days was weighing on him. He wondered if he could suppress the memories of her nakedness beneath him, his desire to kiss every inch of her skin, and his aching hands that longed to touch her constantly. He hoped he could, for the sake of their friendship. He couldn't lose one of his best friends.

Best friends? He had completely forgotten about Ron, the last third to their near-inseparable trio. The secret that Ron had shared with Harry nearly two years ago came flooding back up to the surface. His crush on Hermione, and his trust in his best friend to conceal it until Ron felt the time was right. Harry couldn't believe himself. What kind of best friend snogs his mates girl, or potential girl anyway. He felt even worse. He had to do something to make it up to him. But he knew for a fact that Ron wouldn't allow Harry near him at the moment. Hermione, on the other hand, might be able to smooth things down, a little anyway.

Harry raced from the table after Hermione, running as fast as he could to catch up with her. He hoped she hadn't gone too far so that he could reach her quickly. He looked around the library entrance briefly before noticing Hermione just step out in the hallway, the large oak doors sliding closed behind her. Harry ran harder, his breath slightly labored. Madam Pince rose from her chair sternly. "Slow down, Mr. Potter. This isn't a quidditch field, you know!" She glared at Harry, as he slowed to a very fast walk. He pushed his way out of the library, spotting Hermione about twenty feet away.

"Hermione! Wait a minute!" Harry raced after her. She stopped in her tracks, turning to face him with an almost annoyed expression plastered over her face.

"I told you, Harry. I need some time and _space_ away from you for a while." She placed her hands on her hips, as if speaking to a child.

"Yeah, I know. It's not about us…well, not directly. Ron walked saw us, remember?" Harry asked. He caught a bit of her scent wafting toward him and was having a difficult time holding himself back from moving closer to her.

"Oh no, I nearly forgot about him. Do you think he'll blab about it to everyone when they return from holiday break tonight?" Hermione suddenly felt really nervous. She had enough rumors spread about her on a daily basis. The way she was so serious about her schoolwork, how she clung on to the famous Harry Potter…as if trying to conceal the real dork that lay within. She really didn't need rumors about being a Potter conquest. It definitely wouldn't be a good thing, and it certainly wasn't true!

"Definitely not. But, there still is one little problem. He's got a bit of a crush on you and well, I'm sure seeing us in there was rather shocking and heartbreaking for him. I'd talk to him about it myself, but I doubt he'll be speaking to me. Remember that whole silent treatment I received about being apart of the Triwizard Cup. And, that wasn't even a huge deal, not like this."

"He's got a what? Oh, I can't believe I never noticed it before. Oh, Ronald. What are we going to do?" Hermione felt a little dizzy from the news, she leaned back against the castle wall, hoping it'd keep her balanced.

"Not to put this all on you, Herm, but I think it'd be better if you talked to him. Helped him understand what's happening between us…you know?" Harry shifted his weight from side to side nervously as he spoke.

"What's happening between us? Even I can't figure that out! How do you expect me to explain it to Ronald?" Hermione couldn't believe Harry was laying this all on her, but knowing Ron he really would be holding a grudge against Harry, and probably for quite some time too!

"I don't know. I guess it'll be a good chance for you to figure that out too…we both need to." Harry smiled softly at her before practically throwing himself in the opposite direction, walking off to roam the castle, hoping Hermione could salvage whatever was left of his relationship with Ron.

Hermione stood still, watching Harry's retreating form until it was out of sight. A few minutes later she took a deep breath and turned in the direction she was originally headed, hoping she'd find Ron in Gryffindor Tower.

Her mind tried to unravel her feelings a little faster than she was hoping so she could better explain her behavior in the library to Ron. But, what was she feeling? Her best friend for so many years who she could trust with her life was the same boy who she had given up her most precious gift, her gift of innocence. She had no clue what came over her or him for that matter. Harry certainly wasn't the type to jump into the sack like they had, not without some deep feelings inside. She wondered about his feelings too. Did he want to just remain friends with her or not at all? The thought of losing Harry from her life gave Hermione a sharp pain in her chest, in her heart. She wasn't sure if she could live her life without him. But living without Ron would be just as bad. Man, the situations she found herself in…

Still not having a clue what to say to Ron, she arrived at the Fat Lady's portrait and stepped inside the common room. She noticed the Weasley twins, Lee, Katie, and Angelina still lying about with a few other Gryffindors that had returned from holiday. But no Ron. She dropped her head in disappointed before deciding to head up to his dormitory, hoping he'd allow her to come in.

She raced up the stairs, taking the opposite path she was used to and heading toward the boys wing. She spotted Ron's dorm quickly and rapped gently on the door. She heard someone mumble something out from inside as the door swung forward and Hermione stepped in. She saw Ron lounging on his bed, clutching on to his chudley cannons blanket as if it was his most treasured possession. A nervous lump rose in Hermione's throat as she slowly stepped toward him.

Ron lifted his head at the visitor, expecting Harry, and not expecting Hermione. "Wh-what are you doing here?" Ron sat up straight, dropping the blanket from his grasp.

"Well, I was hoping we could talk, about what you saw in the library." Hermione flushed in utter humiliation. How was she supposed to explain their behavior when she didn't understand it herself? This conversation was doomed.

"I…I don't really want to talk about that." Ron stood from his bed and walked over to the window, looking out over the castle grounds. He spotted Hagrid's hut. The light was shining and he could almost make out the movement of the large caretaker moving inside of it.

"Look, Ron, Harry told me about…about your feelings for me. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean, I had no idea you felt that way, and I can only imagine the pain we've caused you." Hermione sat down on his bed, fingering the same blanket he had been previously clutching.

"He did what?!" Ron turned back toward her, his face red with anger.

"He never would have told me if the circumstance was different, but he thought it'd be better if I explained things to you. I mean, how would you have reacted if Harry had walked through that door and not me?" Ron clenched his fists at his side as Hermione just continued to explain what had happened. "Last night, well, I'm not really sure what happened, but apparently we had sex with each other after the party in the common room, under the influence of the alcohol of course. Neither one of us knows exactly why it happened, but it did. We never wanted this, and now things are a bit…odd between us. I guess, what happened in the library was just driven by emotion, you know? There was no real thought to the consequences…it just sort of happened." Hermione stopped. This wasn't going well at all. She couldn't express herself the way she had hoped she could.

But, it didn't matter how she did it, the news of the previous night hitting Ron's ears seemed to open a floodgate. He walked toward her, his feet pounding on the floorboards. A slight dust rose from them, before settling back down as he passed. He moved toward Hermione, grasping her shoulders and lifting her up off the bed, pulling her toward him. "How could you do that? And, with _him_!"

"Ron, you're hurting me." Hermione croaked out, feeling frightened as this unbelievable rage he was emitting. Ron pushed her back onto the bed, pacing beside it. Hermione straightened herself up, looking at Ron as if he was a stranger. She really couldn't recognize him now, enshrouded in his rage.

"I mean, I always knew I really didn't have a shot with you, but Harry! He's even worse. Do you really want to be the whore that gave herself to the famous Potter, the boy who lived?" Ron steamed; Hermione felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She blinked furiously trying to hold them back. "Seriously, what were you thinking Hermione? I mean, Harry is always in the spotlight. I guarantee he'll be bragging about this in less than a week. I can't believe you were so ignorant. Just what _were_ you thinking?"

Ron walked over to the window again, taking a deep breath to continue in his tirade. "Really, and in the library no less. I cannot believe that you would be so shameless, throwing your clothes off at the snap of Harry's finger. He really has turned you into a slut, hasn't he?"

He turned back toward her, his eyes full of disappointment, disgust, and shame for the girl. Finalizing his next thought, his eyes settled on Hermione's. He sucked in his breath in shock, seeing the beyond hurt expression on her face.

He reached out an arm to her, taking a step toward her, but Hermione was out of there before he could blink. "I'm so sorry, Herm!" He shouted out just as the door slammed shut behind her. She ran down the stairs, passed the stunned teens in the common room and through the castle hallways. She didn't know where she was going, but she just had to run.

She wasn't all that hurt at the way Ron reacted toward her, she realized. She had expected a similar reaction from him, but the things he said to her…they were the same fears she had been experiencing herself. She had made a huge mistake and now had lost everyone who she held dear to her, including herself.

To be continued…

* * *

_(AN: Yowzers. That was a tough chapter to write. Hope I made Ron's feelings evident, let me know what you thought! All reviews are appreciated, but don't worry I'm not asking for a quota! The next chapter will be a little bit on the depressing side as the trio breaks apart completely and all three sides of that triangle are sorting through their emotions. Should be fun! If you want more, let me know!_

_Also, I'm not sure what happened, but some of you informed me that you couldn't leave anonymous reviews…strange thing is, I have them enabled on my account. Not sure what happened, but I hope it works for this chapter. Please let me know if you still can't submit them. Thanks and much love for the holidays!)_


	8. Chapter 7: Collisions

**"A Love in Reverse"  
by: S. Schumaker**

Rated MA: for sexual themes, content, and adult language.

Please don't read this if you are under 17 years old.

_(AN: Well my fellow readers . . . if you've been paying attention you'll notice that this story has way more chapters and is tons further along than the others I have posted up here on ! Know why? Because of all you readers! Plus, I really do enjoy this story a lot! Anyway, this chapter is the breaking of the trio. Each view will be represented and well, I'm going to torture these characters a little. Up for tagging along?)_

**Chapter Seven – Collisions**

* * *

"Mr. Longbottom!" A slam from the professor's wand contacting the desk startled Harry out of his trance. He lifted his gaze up off the desk, bringing his focus back to his transfiguration class. He always seemed to have a hard time getting back in school-mode after the holiday break, but this year it seemed even harder. Glancing next to him, he watched as Professor McGonagall yelled at Neville about his current spell casting. Even that couldn't keep his mind focused.

Turning slightly in his seat, he glanced back behind him, his eyes landing on Hermione. She was busy turning her desk into a pig and didn't seem to notice his gaze on her. As Harry watched her, he wondered how she could stay focused, but then again this was Hermione. Harry turned back around, only to turn the opposite way, toward Ron. Ron, however, seemed just as distracted as Harry was, his gaze locked in an intense glare toward him. As Harry looked at Ron, he could literally feel the hatred Ron held for him. But, really, Harry couldn't blame the guy for his feelings. Harry turned back around to the front of the room quickly, believing his friendship with Ron to be doomed.

Later that day, as Harry sat alone in the Great Hall, barely munching on his lunch, Fred and George Weasley came crashing down next to him. "Hiya, Harry!" George greeted. Fred simply waved a hand in his direction before grabbing a handful of Harry's lunch and swallowing it down.

"Hi guys." Harry answered quietly, not really feeling up to talking to either of them.

"So, we were hoping that you would explain something for us." Fred finally said, slapping his arm down over Harry's shoulders.

"Oh?" Harry asked, looking at the twins strangely. He definitely wasn't going to be trying one of their new products or candies that was for sure!

"Yeah, well, you see, we asked Hermione and Ron, but both of them just flushed up and ran away from us, but you. We know that you're a bit braver than the two of them." George continued, leaning over the table to get closer to Harry.

"Anyway, what's going on with the three of you? The infamous trio hasn't been seen together since the party the other night. What happened? Did you get into a big fight or something?" Fred wondered, looking at Harry with gossipy eyes.

Harry instantly stood. He couldn't talk about this, and certainly not with Ron's older brothers. If they ever found out, they'd probably come after him eager for revenge in the sake of their kin. "Uh, we're not fighting . . . it's nothing. We just have a lot of homework to catch up on and we haven't had a chance to hang. That's all." Harry croaked out, his lies blatantly obvious to the two boys. "I've gotta run. Catch up with you guys later." Harry grabbed his books and bolted out of the Great Hall, his lunch left forgotten on the table.

As Harry pulled the large doors of the Great Hall open, and ran through them, he ran straight into something and was pushed back onto the floor. His own body's inertia enough to push him off his own two feet. Harry groaned slightly on the floor, the hard surface beneath him making his body ache with the collision. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't paying atten-" Harry glanced up at whom he had collided, only to be staring into the deep brown eyes of Hermione.

A sudden flash of her nakedness ran over his eyes, causing a deep desire to fill him up. He could almost feel himself getting harder as she roamed her eyes over his face. How he longed to grab her, pulling her on top of him and ravishing her right then and there, but she backed away long before he could connect his thoughts to the actions. Whatever the reason was behind his new found attraction for the girl, he didn't want it to disappear. He was shocked that he had never taken steps in that direction before, she was quite beautiful.

As he sat on the floor, his mind wandered over what feelings he had of her. He knew it was stronger than mere friendship now. No friendship he had ever had before caused such lust to fill him, such excitement. But, what he felt for Hermione were still slightly out of reach for him.

As she stood above him, blushing at their contact. She stuttered to herself slightly before rushing past the still fallen Harry into the Great Hall. She simply couldn't face him. All day long she had been making herself concentrate on her school work and it was actually going quite well, but now that she didn't have a lecture to be listening to or a spell to cast, she found herself knocked off her guard and with only an uncomfortable feeling in her path.

She sighed loudly as she slumped down in a chair inside the Great Hall, pulling out a book, hoping for another distraction to her confused feelings. As she began reading the pages, she couldn't help but think over what had just happened in the hallway, and why that awkwardness was there in the first place. Why was she so drawn to Harry in the library yesterday? What would make her do something like that? She couldn't believe that it was simply a lust-driven event because she had never lusted over Harry like that before . . . at least, not that she'd known of.

She violently shook her head. Repositioning herself over the book below her, trying to get some reading done before her next class. But, after only five minutes of her intense conversation, she was once again distracted by some shouting by a group of boys near her. She lifted her gaze, slightly annoyed at the teenagers. She glanced around the room briefly before spotting the Weasley twins harassing another boy. She smiled to herself, before standing up to help save the poor boy from the torture.

As she moved a little closer, pieces of their conversation were loud enough for her to hear clearly.

"Knock it off, George, Fred. I don't want to get into it with you. Really!" The tortured boy shouted out.

"Oh come off your high horse and share. It's not like we won't find out about it eventually anyway, you know?" George replied, as Hermione moved ever closer to the group.

"He's right, you know? We Weasley's discover everything that goes on in this castle. So spill it!" Fred continued, scooting closer to the boy before him.

"All right already. I'll tell you! Geez!" The boy said with a huff, his annoyance clearly evident to Hermione. She moved a little faster, hoping to help out the boy before he spilled the secret he seemed to be trying to hide.

"Now George, now Fred. That's enough don't you think. Quit torturing this poor boy-" Hermione stopped short of her speech when her eyes landed on whom the Twins were harassing. It was none other than their younger brother Ron. Hermione gasped deeply, taking a step back. She couldn't help but feel really sad and hurt all over again. Ron's words came crashing back to her.

_ "Do you really want to be the whore that gave herself to the famous Potter, the boy who lived? ... I cannot believe that you would be so shameless, throwing your clothes off at the snap of Harry's finger. He really has turned you into a slut, hasn't he?"_

Hermione could feel the tears well up in her eyes all over again. She turned from the table quickly.

"Hermione! Please wait! Can we talk?" Ron shouted out, standing up at the table, holding a hand out to her. Hermione could only shake her head, before she raced back to her own table, grabbed her book and bolted out of the Great Hall. She simply wasn't ready to face either of her best friends.

George cleared his throat below him, a slight smile twinging at the edge of his lips. "Want to tell us what that was all about?"

Ron simply sat back down in his seat, feeling absolutely terrible. What he had said to Hermione last night was simply unforgivable. He knew that, it's just his overactive temper got the best of him. As he laid his head down on the table, he thought about how he could make it up to Hermione. How he could show her how sorry he was . . .

When nothing came to mind and his brothers pestering got tiresome, he stood from the table and also walked out of the Great Hall. He walked up and down the halls of Hogwarts, his mind ever playing what he saw in the library the day before. An extreme hatred for Harry flared up, and in an instant was replaced by a severe guilt toward Hermione, only to soon be replaced by that angry again. It was a terrible cycle in his brain that wouldn't allow him to concentrate on anything else.

After walking for another minute or so, he found the ex-best friend that fueled his anger sitting in a window sill. As Ron's temper flared up again, he couldn't help but notice the sad expression on Harry's face. But, as all hot-tempered individuals are, Ron pushed that thought from his mind, and walked up to him with his fists clenched and his anger burning.

"Hey!" Ron yelled out, shoving Harry slightly. Harry, startled out of his thoughts, turned to face the voice. Ron's glare burned into Harry's eyes and all Harry felt he could do was jump down from the window and back away from him slowly.

"I'm challenging you. Right here, right now." Ron spoke. His ears tinting red from his hatred.

"Challenging me? What do you mean?" Harry asked, his hands getting sweaty with nervousness. He knew Ron's temper well and had never seen it flaring up quite like it was at that moment. Harry took another step back, fear rising inside of him.

"To a duel. May the best wizard win." Ron answered, taking a stance with his wand pointed toward Harry.

"Wait a minute!" Harry held up his hands in defense. "Let's just talk about this. You don't want to hurt me; at least I hope you don't."

"Hurt you? Of course I do. You betrayed me in the worst possible way. I can never forgive you!" Ron shouted, his wand shaking due to his quivering hands.

"Listen, I never meant to hurt you. None of this was supposed to happen. I don't know why it happened, but we all just need to calm down and talk through this." Harry tried to mediate, taking another step back.

"No talking! Just dueling!" Ron shouted out before sending a powerful spell toward Harry. Harry went flying backwards into a table holding a breast statue of some famous wizard before him. It came crashing down to the floor, making a great noise and alerting the fellow students around them of what was occurring.

Harry slowly rose from the floor, dusting off his robes. He reached around him, grabbing his wand and holding it out toward Ron. "If this is what you want, I have no choice but to fight you." Harry sent his own spell toward Ron, watching as he too flew backwards and landed hard on the floor. A group of students gathered around the duel, watching intently and wondering what started it up between the two good friends.

Ron quickly retaliated, but his spell flew past a sidestepping Harry. The two battled it out, moving along the hallway as each kept firing spell after spell, and dodged them in return. The onlookers began to grow as the students coming from lunch made their way through the hallway. More and more people began surrounding the two duelers and neither noticed the crowd forming as their screams and hateful words kept flying.

"How could you do this to me? And with her? Does neither of us mean anything to you, Potter?" Ron threw a stunning charm after his opponent, watching it bounce off a wall and mistakenly hit a first-year in the crowd.

"You are insane! I never meant to hurt you or her for that matter!" Harry dodged another attack, shooting off some sparks toward Ron. He swiveled around a coat of arms, aiming at Harry behind it.

"Then why'd you do this? You certainly weren't thinking of my best interests up in the library!" The back and forth attacks continued on past a seemingly empty classroom. "She's not just another notch you can add to your bedpost! Hermione is better than that! All you did was treat her like a slut!"

Harry muttered a curse, screaming out words he barely recognized: "I would never think, act, or treat her like one! I'm sorry that this hurt you… but… but I'M IN LOVE WITH HER!" The words echoed down the hallway and up the large staircase full of watchful students. Harry didn't even realize what he'd said, but took Ron's hesitation as a chance for one final spell. "Expelliarmus!" Ron's wand flew out of his hand and landed softly in his own.

Harry's breath was quick from the duel and as he attempted to slow his beating chest, he realized where he was and what he'd just said. Looking around him, he saw Ron's stunned expression along with about a third of the student populations. His eyes roamed the crowd even further, unsure what to do or say. His eyes landed on the doorway to that empty classroom they had just passed only to see the one face he couldn't face. Hermione's. She looked just as flabbergasted as the rest of the crowd at Harry's words only this was the one person that truly mattered to him. The one face he needed relief in.

Her legs seemed to turn to jelly as his words "I'm in love with her" kept replaying over and over in her mind. She slowly began sliding down the door frame until her knees hit the floor. What on Earth had she just heard? Was this true? She couldn't believe her ears, but as she noticed the shocked faces around her, she knew that what she thought she heard was real. Looking around the crowd, her face flared up in embarrassment. This was not where she wanted to talk about this. She grabbed her fallen book bag and raced past the crowd. Bumping into both Harry and Ron on her hasty retreat.

"Hermione!" Harry and Ron both screamed in unison behind her. Both too stunned at what had previously transpired to follow her. Once she had disappeared down another hallway, Ron and Harry turned back to each other. Unsure how to handle the aftermath of the duel, they each simply turned away from each other and broke through the crowd of students as they departed with more confusion that what they had started with.

To Be Continued . . .

* * *

_(AN: It's taken me nearly five years to update this and I do sincerely apologize for that. It's taken me a long time to figure out just where I wanted this story to go and not rush myself in the process. I hope you like the changes that were made to this chapter. Please let me know if reviews what you think and expect new and further updates soon! Thanks so much!)_


	9. Chapter 8: Confessions

"**A Love in Reverse"  
by: S. Schumaker**

Rated MA: for sexual themes, content, and adult language.

Please don't read this if you are under 17 years old.

_(AN: All right. So, this chapter isn't exactly an edit, it's more of a complete rewrite! I hope you understand why I had to do this, but as many of you believed, the reunion of the trio seemed way too rushed in the original version. I hope you enjoy this chapter better, please let me know what you think of the changes!)_

_**Please go back and re-read chapter seven before reading this new chapter if you haven't already. Changes were made to the original version. **_

**Chapter Eight - Confessions**

* * *

"Hey Potter! So, tell me, what was it like exactly?" Harry's head snapped up at the sound of his name. His eyes landing on an older student that he barely knew.

"What was what like?" Harry was almost afraid to ask.

"Well, getting into Granger's pants of course!" The student laughed before turning down a corridor with his fellow buddies, all gossiping as they went. Harry groaned, ducking into a nearby classroom. He sighed as he found it empty, just thankful to be alone for awhile. It had been a few days since his outburst about his feelings in the hallway. The gossip had spread so far that nearly everyone knew about what had happened between him and Hermione… or at least they were telling stories like they did. He overheard a few students discussing how he had taken Hermione at the top of the astronomy tower, how he had banged her in the teacher's lounge, he had even heard an extreme and disturbing tale about how he had fucked her in the kitchens with all the house elves watching and cheering him on!

Harry dropped his head in his hands in misery. How had he let this happen? He was infuriated with himself but more so with Ron for practically forcing this confession to escape his lips. A confession he wasn't completely trustful of yet. Harry slid to the floor against the closed door, allowing his thoughts to explore and remember the moments with Hermione in peace.

He may not be completely sure if he loved her like he had expressed, but he certainly liked her. Not only were his thoughts and dreams filled with images of her, images of her nakedness, her smile, her hand in his. But was this his lust? His friendship for her? He was still so unsure of himself, even if his subconscious hadn't been that day during the duel.

He backed up in his memories. She had been with him through so much, through the petty fights he had always had with Ron, her help through his homework, through his reunions with Lord Voldemort. She was always willing to help him; she even was petrified in order to help clear his name while the Chamber of Secrets was being opened by Tom Riddle's memory. He always went to her in a struggle, always trusted her advice above any others. She was one of his best friends, sure, but she always was something more to him too. The idea of anyone else dating her infuriated him. Remembering how she went to the Yule Ball with Krum sent him into a blind rage. He had to remind himself that their relationship was strictly plutonic, but still he felt… what? Jealous? Was this jealousy?

He couldn't imagine another person being the closest person to her. He wanted to fill that role. He wanted to be the one _she_ turned to, that she ran to for help. He couldn't believe how blind to his own feelings he had been… but now he finally understood. He did love her. He loved everything about her! Why did it take him so long to realize that? Their drunken night of scandal and sex must have been his subconscious's way of breaking free, trying to reveal his real feelings. He sighed as the realization of his true feelings filled him up, freeing him from so much past stress.

Not really knowing what he would do upon seeing her face, Harry stood up and felt the desire to find her that very instant. He needed to talk to her, explain himself and what he had finally figured out truly lay within his heart. He felt like he couldn't wait another minute as he wrenched open the classroom door and raced out into the empty hallway.

* * *

"Ron, stop being such a drag!"

Ron's head snapped up at the sound of his brother's words. He was currently slumped in a large chair in the Gryffindor common room and honestly couldn't remember the last time he had even moved. He felt like he couldn't think or talk or attend classes because every time he did anything that involved coherent thinking, his mind flashed back to images of Harry on top of Hermione in the library or of Harry and him dueling it out in the corridor, or of Harry's words as they echoed throughout the castle: "I'M IN LOVE WITH HER…." Ron groaned as he forced himself to sit up straight.

"What do you want, George?" Ron knew that taking out his anger and frustration and loneliness and every other emotion he felt on his family wouldn't solve anything for him, but he really had no other outlet right now. He hadn't spoken to either Harry or Hermione since the duel and he had even gone to such lengths as to avoid them in class and at meal times. He just didn't know how to react toward either of them anymore.

"All right. That's it, Ron! You need to get out of this room. Get some fresh air! Walk the grounds or something. Maybe go visit Hagrid. I don't care! But, if you don't stop mopping around and acting like such a jerk I might have to put a hex on you, little brother!" Fred replied in anger. He took one of Ron's arms as George took the other and the two twins hoisted Ron right out of his chair. Ron began grumbling and struggling against them, but the twins ignored him and simply dragged him to the portrait hole and tossed him out into the hallway.

"And, don't come back until you can find something to smile about!" George screamed, slamming the portrait closed in his face. Ron simply stared back in response, not able to believe how his brothers had just evicted him like that.

"I think you should listen to those boys, son. You look simply dreadful." The fat lady cooed at him. Her face scrunched up in worry. Ron huffed a bit, nodded back at her and turned on his heel. He obviously had no clear destination, but he found himself heading out of the castle and toward the grounds. This would be the easiest place to hide as most of the students were indoors on this frigid, rainy day. Ron was thankful for his numbness toward the entire situation because he knew other students were gawking and jeering at him as he made his way outside. In his current state, he wouldn't, couldn't react. Normally, his temper would get the best of him and he'd have a hard time suppressing his anger against some of the comments flying his way now.

But thankfully, his mind was so utterly wrapped up in torment that nothing around him seemed to affect him any longer. Reaching the shore of the lake, Ron slumped down to the ground. He allowed himself to lean back and let the rain just splash against his face, hoping it would wash away the memories of the past week. Before long, Ron noticed that a few of his own tears were sliding along his cheeks with the raindrops. He was so completely destroyed and hurt by the two people he held nearest. His best friend swooped in with his charm and whatever else he used and stole the girl of his dreams right out from under him. And his Hermione… well, she would never be his now he supposed, not after the horrible things he said to her.

Ron couldn't imagine himself ever really forgiving Harry for the betrayal, but with Hermione he knew that she wasn't really at fault here. She was tricked by Harry with the alcohol and the popularity he oozed. But she obviously wasn't with Harry now… she was avoiding him like the plague alongside himself. Maybe he should try to talk to her. It was true that Ron had had a crush on the girl for a few years now, but he never really allowed himself to show those feelings in front of her. He was always too shy or too embarrassed, even too unsure of his feelings himself. But now that Hermione had this experience with Harry, even heard a love confession from him, Ron really didn't have a chance at all with her!

Ron jumped up, suddenly feeling alive inside. Of course Hermione would eventually choose Potter… she didn't know that Ron was in this race for her still! Ron was such a complete jerk to her that she probably wouldn't even remember Harry telling her he had a crush on her. Ron definitely wasn't about to give up without even trying. If she knew how he felt about her and then still chose Potter… well at least he would know that he gave it his all. He needed to apologize, profusely, and finally tell her about his crush.

Yes! That's exactly what he should do! Ron raced back toward the castle, determined to find Hermione and explain himself to her. He had to!

* * *

Hermione found herself drained and worried. She couldn't figure out what to do or feel or think or say. All she knew was that she'd give anything to skip classes, meals, avoid hallways… and just stay right here in her alcove in the library. She opted for a corner as far away from the one she had met Harry in… she couldn't even allow herself to walk near that area. Not that it mattered much, those moments replayed in her mind over and over again without revisiting the scene of the crime.

She felt so exhausted by her thoughts. She kept replaying everything, over and over again. Not only in her awake hours but also all night, every night in her dreams. She felt Harry's lips on her, the touch of him on her skin, his length inside of her. Those moments felt so real, so intense. She longed to experience it again just for the pure exhilaration of it.

But then she heard the words Ron screamed at her, and felt instantly ashamed again and embarrassed by her actions. She was not acting like herself. She would never have emotionless sex with anyone, right? She wanted to be in love, to be involved with someone before she gave in to such selfish desires. She didn't want to be seen, by anyone, as a whore that was only interested in a man because of his name or power or wealth… She was better than that.

After the guilt, always came the memory of Harry's confession. True, he didn't say the words to her… he didn't even know she was there. Was that better or worse? Did he say those words to stop Ron's attacks on him? To end the duel? Or did he say them because he believed Hermione WASN'T there? That his feelings were still safe within him? Was that okay with her? Did he actually love her or were they just words of the moment? God! She was so utterly confused and tormented!

She hated this entire situation and wished it would just all go away! She knew that she felt something for both Harry and Ron. That was for sure. She would die for either of them. But was that her friendship? Her loyalty? Why was she feeling so drawn to Harry physically right now? She wished she understood what everything meant for her. She sighed long and deep. No matter what though, she was staying in the library until curfew. No way was she getting leered and pointed at for another second today. She couldn't take two steps before someone was whispering about her, pointing, or making blatant comments to get a rise out of her. She couldn't take the rumors and the gossip anymore…

She couldn't take much of anything anymore…

But, no matter what, she had to see Harry again, and soon. She needed to really hear his side of things. Feel her own feelings around him again. See if her emotions were genuine or just some strange combination of nervousness and teenage lust. Tomorrow, she'd approach Harry, tomorrow, she'd get to the bottom of things!

* * *

As Harry rounded another corner, desperately seeking Hermione, he remembered that she wanted space from him. Needed time to think. He stopped in his tracks. As much as he longed to tell her what he discovered about himself, he felt guilty for trying to force it upon her before she could come to him. He needed the time and the opportunity to focus his thoughts and feelings, couldn't he give that to her as well?

He knew he had to. Stopping in his search of Hermione, Harry turned on his heel and headed back in the same direction that he originally came from. As Harry walked through the castle corridors, on his way back to Gryffindor tower, Harry came face to face with Ron. Instantly worried, Harry took a step back as Ron noticed him standing before him. Harry quickly glanced around, grateful to notice that this time there were no onlookers. It was just a deserted hallway with the two of them.

"Ron." Harry greeted. Ron gave a very curt, short nod in return. His eyes squeezing down into a worried glare as he looked over Harry.

"I'm in love with her too, Harry. And, I intend to tell her so." Ron barked out. Harry's mouth dropped open at the confession. Harry knew that Ron liked the girl, but loved her? Did he really? It seemed to Harry that Ron's feelings for Hermione were so much smaller than that. He only liked her, really, because she was the only girl he even knew!

"Really?" Harry asked. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Of course it's a good idea! What, you think you're the only guy around here that deserves her or what?" Ron's temper began rising again. Harry took a deep breath. He had to try and calm him down before this got out of hand again.

"You know that's not it, Ron. If Hermione wants to be with you, is happy with you, then I would certainly encourage that. I'm just saying that Hermione's been through a lot lately. She's just given up her virginity without knowing why or how, she has two of her best friends fighting over her, and she overheard a… well, a confession of love that was screamed in front of the whole school. She needs some time to wrap her head around things a little, don't you think? Plus, how much have you really thought about your feelings for her?"

Ron's shoulders dropped. Harry was right, at least a little. Hermione probably was going through so much right now. He overheard the rumors and dealt with the jeers from his classmates and he was sure that both Harry and Hermione were dealing with the backlash as well. Harry could take it just fine… having been a source of gossip for years. Ron could handle it mainly because he was distancing himself from everyone and everything… but Hermione? She was dealing with it daily and she definitely didn't have the strength to deal with it on her own like she was. She was bound to be suffering a lot right now.

"All right. Fine. I'll give her some space, but not for long. She deserves to see both sides of this, don't you think?" Ron revealed.

"If you truly love her, then yes, I think she deserves to know. But I also think you should reevaluate your feelings for her Ron. If you truly loved her, don't you think you would have done something by now? Don't you think you would have made a move? Do you think you would have dated whatshername for as long as you did? Yes, I know she kind of forced herself on you, but you definitely didn't mind making out with her in front of Hermione and everyone else did you? I just think that if you are going to make such an extreme confession to Hermione, that you be damned sure that it's genuine first. Mine feelings are real, because I've been picking them apart, analyzing them for days… and I swear to you Ronald. If you tell her you love her, then realize it _was_ just a crush and hurt her…..I'll kill you." Harry's words startled Ron so much that he barely moved as Harry rushed past him.

Ron hung his head in thought, his opinion of Harry extremely changed by his words. Harry cared for Hermione. He really did love her. Ron shook his head. Harry couldn't derail his plan. Ron would talk to Hermione, he'd finally figure out who she was going to choose. He'd force a choice from her. He had to.

* * *

_(AN: It only took me five years to update this! Ha! Not bad right? Sorry for the MAJOR delay, hope you like it!)_


End file.
